LES MISERABLES UNITS Manuals
by Estates General
Summary: We at the LES MISERBLES UNITS co. are proud to announce that we are back in business! Inside we have the instructions on how to opperate and care for our new and improved units. Now featuring the COSETTE UNIT! (Semi-yearly updates)
1. The INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT

Congratulations! You are now the proud controller of a new and improved INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT. The following is what you need to know before you operate your new INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT.

The INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT comes with the following;

1 long, gray over-coat.

1 nightstick.

1 police uniform. Hat is not included, you may purchase one if you desire.

1 Revolutionary disguise.

1 framed police card stating name, age ect.

If any of the above are not in the INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT's package, call the number on the bottom of the page and we will happily send you the missing necessities.

The INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT will arrive knocked unconscious by our shippers for your convenience and when he arrives at your residence, all that is required is that you simply put him in a chair. (WARNING: DO NOT LAY THE INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT DOWN. The INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT is a very proud being and would find being in a stranger's home and on their couch very unsettling and would leave as soon as possible.)

Take special precaution in what atmosphere the INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT awakes, so he will not awake suspicious of you and have you arrested for abduction. We are sorry if you do not heed these warnings.

When he demands to know who you are and where he is, simply tell him that you found him at the banks of the river and took him home, he will then feel some sort of gratitude, or embarrassment, towards the whole situation and be bound to you by honor. WARNING: There have been cases when the unit got very angry and beat up the proud owner of the INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT. If this seems to be the case, we will pay for medical expenses and refund/send you another INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT that is in its right mind.

ACTIVATATIONS

The INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT does need to eat and will prepare his own meals. If you should choose to cook for him, it is natural for him to suspect poisoning and throw it out when you're not looking.

The INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT will need to sleep occasionally, but he will most likely do so away from others, so give him a room with a bed and a locked door and the INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT will be grateful.

MODES:

The INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT has only 2 modes, 1 is POLICEMAN MODE. The INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT is an honest and honorable man who would rather die than disobey his duty. (WARNING: Do not make him disobey his duty. Under any circumstances) As a note for your own safety; if you, the proud owner of the INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT, have a criminal record, we suggest returning the unit for a full refund, for he will mercilessly hound you until you have been brought to justice.

The second mode is SUICIDAL MODE while in this mode, the INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT will wander the streets aimlessly, write a long list of ways to better the prison systems, and, lastly, jump off bridges.

FUNCTIONS:

Because the INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT is constantly in POLICEMAN MODE, his functions are limited to the right/lawful acts.

NOTE: The INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT is not friendly or loving. Do not attempt to have romantic relations with the INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT, for it will end in either your death or his suicide.

ADDITIONAL WARNINGS;

The INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT is not compatible with any other unit in the LES MISÉRABLES UNITS co. Many proud owners have tried pairings a FANTINE UNIT or even a JEAN VALJEAN UNIT, the INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT did not react kindly to these proceedings for they were quickly followed by the FANTINE UNIT's death and a fistfight with the JEAN VALJEAN UNIT.

The INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT is an active member of the police force, we are very sorry if you commit a crime while in the possession of an INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT and we will do our best to visit you during those nineteen years in the state penitentiary.

The INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT does not and will not get along with an ENJOLRAS UNIT or LES AMIS PACKAGE, the INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT will try to arrest the other units if they don't tie him up and execute him first.

FAQ and common complaints

Q: My INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT came home today in a smelly old cloak and he was real mad and grumbled about how he was a fool, what gives?

A: You INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT has just disguised himself as an old beadle and has been foiled in an attempt to apprehend a wayward JEAN VALJEAN UNIT, if you wish to assist your unit on this quest, you may, but it is very unlikely that he will succeed. If you do not wish to assist him, just tell him that the JEAN VALJEAN UNIT will turn up sooner or later.

Q: My INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT is very sulky lately and I want to know what's going on.

A: WARNING your INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT has been to the barricades and has been rescued by a JEAN VALJEAN UNIT. He's now suffering a mental breakdown; tell the unit that someone can be a good man and a lawbreaker at the same time. If he doesn't believe you, send him back and we will ship you a new INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT free of charge.

WARNING: If you do not tell him this in time, he will do something drastic for he is in SUICIDAL MODE. And we at the LES MISÉRABLES UNITS co. do not offer a warranty that covers such drastic actions.

Q: My unit is acting oddly; he steals my things, runs from police officers and has important talks with young homeless boys, also, my INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT looks young enough to be going to school with me, has there been a mistake?

A: Oh, we're terribly sorry, there has been a mistake; you seem to have been sent a MONTPARNESS UNIT, we will fire the intern that made the mistake and send you a brand new INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT; you may keep the MONTPARNASS UNIT if you wish, but the two will not get along.

Q: My unit is very cheerful lately, he even said good morning. It's really starting to scare me.

A: No need to be frightened, your INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT has just nabbed the very dangerous ROGUES AND ROBBERS PACK at the Gorbeau Tenant; he'll be ignoring you and less joyful in no time.

Thank you for your patronage and we hope you enjoy your unit and any other unit you may purchase.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

E.G: Whoo! That was fun! Should I write more? An ENJOLRAS UNIT or COSETTE UNIT or, or, or! –fandom explosion-

I saw one of these for Marius and one for Valjean, but no Javert! D8 So I made one for him.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fantine, Javert, Valjean or Montparnasse and there actually is no such thing as the LES MISÉRABLES UNIT co. and if there is, don't sue me for copyright, I don't want your company. Do I need to credit the people who wrote the other UNIT fics for inspiring me? And I don't mean to be stealing their thunder, and if they want me to take this down I will.

But really guys, should I write another chapter?


	2. The LES AMIS PACKAGE

Congratulations! If you are reading this, you have just purchased the LES AMIS PACKAGE, if you haven't purchased the LES AMIS PACKAGE, then kindly give the units back to their rightful owner or we'll send an INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT after you.

The LES AMIS PACKAGE comes with the following units:

1 COMBEFERRE UNIT

1 JE(H)AN PROUVAIRE UNIT

1 FEUILLY UNIT

1 COURFEYRAC UNIT

1 BAHOREL UNIT

1 L'AIGLE UNIT

1 JOLY UNIT

1 GRANTAIRE UNIT

NOTE: The ENJOLRAS UNIT is not included, if you wish to purchase him, you'll have to do so separately.

**WEAPONRY and FIREARMS**

The COMBEFERRE UNIT comes wearing an open coat and you will notice that he has two pistols hidden there; they are real, loaded and not toys. The JE(H)AN PROUVAIRE UNIT has a large musketoon that is also loaded and dangerous and The COURFEYRAC UNIT comes with a sword-cane that he will wave dangerously and carelessly. The rest have bayonets/sabers and carbines; double barreled or otherwise.

**RECOGNIZABLE ACCESSORIES**

The JOLY UNIT comes with a cane of which to scratch his nose with small hand mirror to check his tongue in and a medical textbook of which to diagnose himself based on what he sees on his tongue.

The GRANTAIRE UNIT comes with a bottle of which he will drink himself under the table with. WARNING the GRANTAIRE UNIT can be very unruly when intoxicated.

**ARRIVAL**

The LES AIMS PACKAGE will arrive at your residence in CALM BEFORE THE STORM MODE, meaning they will be pensive and silent for a while; except for the COURFEYRAC, BAHOREL and GRANTAIRE UNITS; who have been drugged for your convenience.

**MODES**

After an hour or so, the LES AMIS PACKAGE will gradually go into MEETING MODE in which they will be chatty and look for an ENJOLRAS UNIT to lead them, you may try to take the place of an ENJOLRAS UNIT, but that is not an easy job.

WARNING: There have been a few cases when the LES AMIS PACK went looking for an ENJOLRAS UNIT and got hopelessly lost and were never seen again, please keep an eye on them

Another mode they may go into is ROWDY DANGER MODE. In this mode the COURFEYRAC UNIT and the L'AIGLE UNIT will feel that there is immanent danger and crack jokes at every chance, if you think their jokes aren't funny, keep in mind that they only want to help the situation.

Their last mode is LET'S GET WOEFULLY OUT NUMBERED ON A BARRICADE MODE also called L.G.W.O.N.O.A.B MODE, in this mode the units will build a barricade in front of a restaurant after a General they particularly liked dies and fight the French Government over the treatment of Parisian citizens, and unless they somehow get their hands on a nuclear weapon, they won't succeed. Should they go into this mode, we at the LES MISÉRABLES UNITS co. suggest that you quickly try to discourage their behavior.

**FUNCTIONS**

The LES AMIS PACKAGE will need to eat, but unlike the INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT, they will be very grateful if you decide to cook for them and, if you are a gifted chef, will come running to you at meal times, even if you are not a gifted chef; a free meal to a college student is cherished.

They will also need to sleep. We at the LES MISÉRABLES UNITS co. hope that you live in or own a hotel or boarding house in order to house eight others.

**COMPATIBILITY **

The LES AMIS PACKAGE are brothers amongst one other and will not appreciate the idea of romantic relationships with each other. You may try to have a romantic relationship with them yourself, and in some cases it has worked, we at the LES MISÉRABLES UNITS co. hope that you have good insurance and, if need be, a good attorney. We suggest a MARIUS UNIT.

**ADDITIONAL WARNINGS**

The LES AMIS PACKAGE are independent and will often leave you to go to class, not go to class and goof off else where, drink, work or loiter outside cafés, they will return, but in their own time, so don't worry yourself.

Do NOT make fun of the JE(H)AN PROUVAIRE UNIT because of the way he dresses, the fact that he writes poetry, or because he blushes like a girl, for the JE(H)AN PROUVAIRE UNIT is very sensitive, and will probably start to cry, and then the entire LES AMIS PACKAGE will come after you.

FAQs and COMPLAINTS

**Q:** My JOLY UNIT seems very lonely and depressed.

**A: **Your unit misses his MUSICHETTA UNIT; she's in our catalogue, so be nice and buy one for him.

**Q: **What instances have there been when the owner of a unit and the unit had a romantic relationship?

**A: **You may have heard of a Mary-Sue, often times a writer will base a character off themselves, only magical and much more attractive. Personally the LES MISÉRABLES co. doesn't like such relationships but you may do as you wish.

**Q**: My LES AMIS PACKAGE seem very un-Aims-ish, they seem much older and meaner and they wear masks or are inky/sooty, what happened to their sweet little school boy faces? Did I get sent an older version of them?

**A**: Oh, that darn intern! I thought we fired him! We're sorry but you've been issued the ROGUES AND ROBBERS PACKAGE by mistake; we'll send you your LES AMIS PACKAGE as soon as we can, you can return the other units if you wish.

**Q: **How much do these units cost?

**A:** 24,601 francs.

**Q:** Gee, that's a lot . . .

**A: **We at the LES MISÉRABLES UNITS co. resurrect and clone many units per day; yes they are expensive.

**Q: **My LES AMIS PACKAGE have gone missing! I already bought an ENJOLRAS UNIT so they're not looking for a leader, where could they have gone?!

**A: **I'm afraid that they went into LET'S GET WOEFULLY OUT NUMBERED ON A BARRICADE MODE and got, well, woefully out numbered. We at the LES MISÉRABLES UNITS co. are sorry for your loss.

**Q: **Um. . . whose that guy they tied up in my basement?

**A: **Oops, it appears that your LES AMIS PACKAGE have caught a spy A.K.A a REVOLUTIONARY JAVERT UNIT in their midst and plan to execute him, do the poor man a favor and let him go.

**Q: **My LES AMIS PACKAGE are positively ecstatic**, **they're running around and whispering plans, what's up with this?

**A: **We at the LES MISÉRABLES UNITS co. are a monkey's uncle. It sounds like they just won the revolution, we suggest doing a head count before congratulating them though.

**Q: **I bought an ENJOLRAS UNIT and he doesn't get along with my GRANTAIRE UNIT! Help!

**A: **We're sorry, but the ENJOLRAS UNIT naturally doesn't like the GRANTAIRE UNIT, there's nothing we can do but you can get the GRANTAIRE UNIT into a Twelve Step Program and hope he improves, and then the ENJOLRAS UNIT might not 'scorn this skeptic' any longer.

**Q:** Isn't that forsaking canon?

**A:** Shut up.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

E.G: Jeez, the PACKAGES are harder to write than the UNITS . . . this one's not as good as the INSPECTOR JAVERT UNIT, but I like it . . . kinda . . . I guess.

Seriously you guys, when you get the chance, type like this "We at the LES MISÉRABLES UNITS co. are very sorry, but we don't carry that type of unit." Hours of fun, I tell you.

And because I didn't have enough **extra warnings** I decided to have a long and organized Q&A.

Disclaimer: To hell with creative disclaimers! I don't own nothing!

**Which unit should I do next? **


	3. THENARDIER PACKAGE

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner and victim of the THENARDIER PACKAGE.

In the THENARDIER PACKAGE you should receive:

The MADAME THENARDIER UNIT and the THENARDIER UNIT

(NOTE: the GAVROCHE, EPONINE and AZELMA UNITS are sold separately in the THENARDIER CHILDREN PACKAGE as are the MOMES UNITS [The MOMES UNITS can be found in the MINOR CHARACTERS PACK])

The THENARDIER PACKAGE comes with:

1 pair of heavy work shoes.

1 ugly tavern sign

1 heavy coat, at least two sizes too big.

1 heavy shawl

1 silly hat. (f)

1 silly cap (m)

3 big potatoes and some salt.

NOTE: if any of these items are not included, that's too bad. We at the LES MISERABLES UNIT co. do not trust anyone who would purchase the THENARDIER PACKAGE. Sorry.

**ARRIVAL**

The THENARDIER PACKAGE will arrive at your residence much like JAVERT, COURFEYRAC, BAHOREL and GRANTAIRE UNITS, meaning that they have been knocked out/drugged for your safety.

**MODES**

The THENARDIER PACKAGE has quite a few modes:

1 is OH PITY ME MODE, where they con innocent passerbys into giving them money and charity. They are very skilled in this function but will not reach their full potential unless they can milk out some pity using the THENARDIER CHILDREN PACK. Be a dear and help them out on their quest and buy them one.

2 is TRULY WICKED MODE where they will threaten old men and single mothers and cook up evil deeds in which to extort money, goods and services out anyone the units come in contact with. The THENARDIER PACKAGE is in this mode very often and we at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. suggest you use extreme caution.

3 is I KINDA LOVE YOU MODE where they will flatter each other and use mushy language. We suggest you leave the room while they are in this mode, but we hope there is nothing of value where you leave them because unless it's red hot or nailed down they will steal it.

The 4th and final mode is THIS PLACE BITES/MY POOR DAUGHTERS MODE. In this mode the MADAME THENARDIER UNIT will mourn for the welfare of her daughters, the EPONINE and AZELMA UNITS while the THENARDIER UNIT gripes about his poor situation. Don't let them fool you, they are masters of deception and may use this mode to cheat you out of a month's rent or some more money. We at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. know this as a fact. Just ask any MARIUS UNIT.

**ADDITIONAL WARNINGS**

The THENARDIER PACKAGE are very poor but love money more than all their children combined so if you happen to be reasonably well off/filthy stinkin' rich, they will take you for all you're worth than possibly kill you. This is why we at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. don't manufacture many THENARDIER PACKAGES.

The THENARDIER PACKAGE have no respect for authority, police, landlords or otherwise. They will frequently B.S you and take advantage of your kindness. Be wary, proud owner, be wary.

The MADAME THENARDIER UNIT is a fickle and cruel unit. This unit enjoys doting on her daughters and then abusing any YOUNG COSETTE UNITS that may be nearby. We at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. discourage any potential proud owners to refrain from any association with a YOUNG COSETTE UNIT for the young unit's safety.

FAQ AND COMPLAINTS

Q: My THENARDIER UNIT brought home a bunch of smelly robbers then demanded that I serve food and beverages, what the hell?

A: The THENARDIER UNIT found some minions A.K.A the ROGUES AND ROBBERS PACK as for you, the proud owner of the THENARDIER PACKAGE, serving drinks; we at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. are not surprised. Refer to the ADDITIONAL WARNINGS in the front of the manual.

Q: So wait, my MADAME THENARDIER UNIT hasn't ever come in contact with a THENARDIER CHILDREN PACKAGE and yet still mourns their welfare, what gives?

A: Before we at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. ship the THENARDIER PACKAGE to you, we socialize them with the THENARDIER CHILDREN PACKAGE to install the hate/love/indifference needed to be up to code and considered canon.

Q: Isn't that considered cruel?

A: Who asked you?

Q: … my units are so pathetically mushy around each other it makes me sick, I though they only had I KINDA LOVE YOU MODE, why are they so newly-wedish?

A: NAAURGH! Someone take that intern out back and shoot him! He's had his second chance! We're sorry but a certain intern has accidentally shipped you a MARIUS UNIT and COSETTE UNIT. We at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. will send you your THENARDIER PACKAGE and would like to remind you of how dangerous and unstable they are around a COSETTE UNIT and how upset you'll make the MARIUS UNIT with a THENARDIER UNIT around.

Q: What happened to my friend, she mentioned ordering a THENARDIER PACKAGE and I haven't seen or heard from her since. What happened?

A: Oh, boy, looks like your friend was either moderately well off or filthy stinkin' rich and is now, more likely than not, dead at the bottom of a river. We at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. would like to take a moment and say we're sorry but we warned you.

Enjoy your THENARDIER PACKAGE; we'll see you in court. (We have a MARIUS UNIT defending us; you should just drop the suit now.)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Enjoy, this was a bitch to write, I had so many ideas but it's long enough. The idea of doing a Thénardier was from Eponine Javert but up next: I think I'll do an ENJOLRAS UNIT.: I'm absolved of all blame of what's to come next.

Les mis is Hugo's.


	4. ENJOLRAS UNIT

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner and possible cohort to one of our most popular units: the ENJOLRAS UNIT.

The ENJOLRAS UNIT comes with:

1 Pistol (For executing)

1 Watch (For timed executing)

1 Red Vest

1 Oversized Red Flag

Various plans and maps.

NOTE: The ENJOLRAS UNIT will not teach you how to shoot or share with you his maps and plans unless you join in his crusade. We at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. wish you the best of luck.

MODES

The ENJOLRAS UNIT has four modes:

1 is LONG WINDED MODE, where your unit will tell you and anyone who will listen in great detail about how wonderful the future will be. The ENJOLRAS UNIT may go on in LONG WINDED MODE for quite some time. If you do not care for this mode, then you shouldn't have ordered an ENJOLRAS UNIT.

2 is FEARLESS LEADER MODE. While in this mode the ENJOLRAS UNIT will stir up revolts, lead backroom meetings with the LES AMIS PACKAGE, use himself as a human shield and glare down any opposing forces. Your unit is more often than not in this mode and, though the ENJOLRAS UNIT's heart is in the right place, his actions could get quite reckless.

WARNING: If you do not have a LES AMIS PACKAGE then your ENJOLRAS UNIT may assume that they are in class or loitering somewhere. But there have been cases where the ENJOLRAS UNIT suspected foul play and assumed that the proud owner had done something to them and executed the proud owner. You've been warned.

3 can also be found in the LES AMIS PACKAGE, it's the not so popular LET'S GET WOEFULLY OUT NUMBERED ON A BARRICADE MODE (L.G.W.O.N.O.A.B MODE). While in this mode, the ENJOLRAS UNIT will lead a student rebellion and almost certainly perish. If your unit goes into this mode, he will not snap out of it and we at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. cannot be held responsible for his actions. It's perfectly canon.

Last but not least is the I-HAVE-NO-TIME-FOR-YOU MODE. In this mode the ENJOLRAS UNIT will glare viciously and ignore anything and everything that isn't about the revolution. This includes but is not limited to: Springtime, the women swooning over him, any GRANTAIRE UNIT, the women NOT swooning over him, the time of day, any color that isn't red and, above all else, you, proud owner. Especially if you are a 'fangirl' then he will take special care to avoid you, that is, if he takes any notice of you at all.

WARNING: The ENJOLRAS UNIT may grow to hate you if you pester him while in I-HAVE-NO-TIME-FOR-YOU MODE for he clearly has no time for you.

FUNCTIONS

The ENJOLRAS UNIT will need to sleep but will most likely do so away from you, the proud owner. So give the unit a private area in which to sleep without fear of being arrested or attacked by the swooning women who may have followed him home (See additional warnings)

You may try to cook for the unit but if you are of lesser morals (Or a lousy chef) than the ENJOLRAS UNIT will simply return the food and make his own. We at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. suggest that you do not introduce him to vitamin supplements, for the unit may abandon food all together in order to have more time to plan the revolution.

COMPATIBILITY

There is none. The ENJOLRAS UNIT has shown signs of utter hatred of anything romance related and will not welcome or appreciate loving advances of any kind. You may try your hand at pairing the unit with another unit or even with yourself but be prepared for tears and that the ENJOLRAS UNIT may launch into L.G.W.O.N.O.A.B MODE prematurely just to get away from you.

ADDITIONAL WARNINGS

Due to the ENJOLRAS UNIT's extraordinary good looks, there have been cases where the ENJOLRAS UNIT has been followed home and essentially kidnapped by obsessive lonely people. Be on the look out, proud owner lest your unit be stolen from you. If the above happens, we suggest employing the services of a JAVERT UNIT. He'll find the ENJOLRAS UNIT and bring the perpetrators to justice.

The ENJOLRAS UNIT may or may not be wanted for treason.

Go ahead and make fun of the ENJOLRAS UNIT for being blonde (Yes in the feminine form) or mock him for wiping out the LES AMIS PACKAGE. Go on, we dare you.

FAQ AND COMPLAINTS

Q: My ENJOLRAS UNIT has somehow gotten stuck in LONG WINDED MODE and won't shut up. Can you send me a new one?

A: No, for your unit is not 'stuck' but simply on an extremely long and passionate tirade to prove a point, your ENJOLRAS UNIT will finish eventually.

Q: My ENJOLRAS UNIT went into L.G.W.O.N.O.A.B MODE! So I locked him a closet and refused to let him out. After a few days he stopped threatening me and get real quiet. When I let him out he was shaking and pale and now sits silently in a corner and refuses to make eye contact with anyone. I thought I was protecting him, what happened?

A: Uh, we at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. believe that you may have broke him. Now, WE have a question for YOU, proud owner, what part of locking your unit in a closet and not letting him out did you think was a good idea! Don't bother answering us, we've sent a MONTPARNASSE UNIT to your house and you won't be around long enough to answer.

Q: I called my ENJOLRAS UNIT Goldie-Locks and my unit punched me in the face!

A: Ha ha, we warned you. Ha ha.

Q: My ENJOLRAS UNIT has been arrested!

A: Not surprising. We're sorry, proud owner, but your unit was wanted for treason and we don't have a warranty to cover the bail costs. We at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. suggest finding a MARIUS UNIT to assist you in acquitting your ENJOLRAS UNIT.

Q: My ENJOLRAS UNIT is not very Enjolraic; he planted a garden, writes poetry and cries a whole lot. Is this a sick joke?  
A: What! I told you to take that intern out back and shoot him! . . . What do you _mean_ a JEAN VALJEAN UNIT called dibs and set him free! UGH! We're sorry, but it seems like you've been issued a JE(H)AN UNIT by mistake, we'll send you your ENJOLRAS UNIT free of charge.

Q: My GRANTAIRE UNIT gave up drinking and became an upstanding citizen but my ENJOLRAS UNIT still won't acknowledge him, can I change this?

A: Blasphemer! Are you trying to forsake canon? For shame!

Q: Why does the ENJOLRAS UNIT hate love?

A: Because!

Q: Yeah so. . . My ENJOLRAS UNIT and LES AMIS PACKAGE built a barricade . . . using my house as its fortress. I tried to stop them but nothing worked and they're breaking all my stuff and eating all my food, what do I do?

A: Oh boy, there really isn't anything you can do, unless you have some flame throwers around or a nuclear weapon in which to defend the barricade, and the police will be after you when they're done slaughtering all your units to throw you in jail for disturbing the peace. Again, we at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. are your friends and will do our best to visit you in those nineteen years in the state penitentiary.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

E:G –giggles- I'm pretty happy with this one It was fun to write.

Review now or forever hold your peace!


	5. COSETTE UNIT

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of the ever adorable COSETTE UNIT!

The COSETTE UNIT comes with:

1 Plush Hat

1 Merino Dress

1 Crepe Hat

1 Damask Dress

Various hair dressings

Repressed Childhood Trauma

MODES

The COSETTE UNIT has three modes

1 is LIFE IS SIMPLE LIFE IS SWEET MODE. While in this mode your COSETTE UNIT is still quite naive and will chase butterflies, play in gardens and make crowns out of flowers. We at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. find this to be a precious, if not, fleeting mode. Cherish it while it lasts. But we WARN you, while in LIFE IS SIMPLE LIFE IS SWEET MODE your unit will dress very unfashionably and may be made fun of. Your COSETTE UNIT usually takes no notice, but in extremely rare cases the fragile unit becomes very upset. Be ready to comfort and reassure the unit that she is a special snowflake or a swan or whatever metaphor you so choose.

2 is I'VE LOOKED LIKE THIS FOR HOW LONG MODE. While in this mode, your unit will marvel at either how horribly she dressed for so many years or at how surprisingly lovely she has become. She will either be very embarrassed or very giggly, but no matter what, you, the proud owner of the COSETTE UNIT, are taking your unit clothes shopping. This mode is also very brief, but we never said the COSETTE UNIT was the most interesting unit in our catalogue. If you want conflict and mental disarray, order an EPONINE UNIT or a YOUNG COSETTE UNIT.

The last mode is I LOVE EVERYTHING SO MUCH MODE. This is the COSETTE UNIT's default mode after the first two. While in I LOVE EVERYTHING SO MUCH MODE your unit will be brighter and sweeter than a unicorn riding across rainbow on cotton candy clouds. When this mode is in action, the COSETTE UNIT will tour the city, handing out hospital blankets and doing other charity work, frequent the nearest Catholic church and generally love everyone she encounters. WARNING. There have been cases of a COSETTE UNIT getting robbed blind and through extension, the proud owner was robbed blind as well. We suggest having a JEAN VALJEAN UNIT do charity work with her for no thief in their right mind would try and rob a unit accompanied by the towering mass of bulk that is the JEAN VALJEAN UNIT. Or buy her a gun. Which ever you find easiest, proud owner.

FUNCTIONS

The COSETTE UNIT is very religious and will often try to take you to church with her. We at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. hope you enjoy the 4:00 a.m service at St. Monica's. We're told its lovely.

She will also most likely want you, the proud owner, and her to do each other's hair. She is shipped with high quality antique hair accessories and knows how to use them. You should start growing your hair out now.

The COSETTE UNIT is musically trained and enjoys singing and playing the piano, we hope you, the proud owner, also enjoy these things

COMPATABILITY

Yes we know the COSETTE UNIT is very fine. But are you a shy penniless lawyer? Then no, she will not date you. The MARIUS UNIT is the COSETTE UNIT's 'soul mate' if you will. If there's such a thing as true love then they have it and nothing can sever it. Trust us, we've run several tests.

FAQ and Common Complaints.

Q: My COSETTE UNIT started bringing home stray cats and dogs.

A: Well that's nice. Hope you aren't allergic.

Q: No, moron, I don't have room to keep them all and they keep fighting with each other but I don't have the heart to to tell my COSETTE UNIT that they have to go.

A: Hmph. We at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. can see how that would be problematic. If you can't tell her have a MARIUS UNIT let her down easy or just send her to summer camp and when she returns tell her they ran away. We at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. would like to put more thought into our answer to you but we don't like name calling. You hurt our feelings.

Q: My COSTTE UNIT is so mean! All she does is rip on other people and mumble about some Darcy fellow and an Elizabeth, who is a hag apparently.

A: What the- we're not even the same company as the PRIDE AND PREJUDICE UNITS co. is that guy breaking in just to mix up our inventory? Get the JAVERT UNIT. This means business.

Well, um, proud owner, you can keep the CAROLINE BINGLEY UNIT if you like, but she's a shrew and we at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. don't know how well they'll get along.

Q: I wanted to help my COSETTE UNIT and had her go through repression therapy, she now remembers everything about her childhood and will not stop crying. I only wanted to help! What should I do!

A: Now what in the hell is wrong with you, proud owner? You should know better! Well, the best you can do for your unit is constantly remind her that it was all in the past and, if need be, order the charming MARIUS UNIT to help soothe her. Also drive her to the therapy appointments that she'll now be needing for the rest of her natural born days. Hope your insurance covers that because we at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co certainly don't.

Q: So, I may have introduced my COSETTE UNIT to a MONTPARNASSE UNIT thinking that he would push her closer towards a MARIUS UNIT. Instead she cooked him dinner, took him to church, got him a job and they're now making plans to be married. What should I do?

A: WARNING: YOU MADE A CRACK SHIP CANON. You changed a fixed pairing, you may have created a paradox in canon and the whole of space may collapse on itself. Good for you, you little risk taker. Its a good thing this is all fiction or we could all die. Anyway, we at the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. don't have any options but to let them get married. Some MARIUS UNIT out there will be lonely but we'll see what becomes of that when the MARIUS UNIT MANUEL is released.

Q: Wait, what do you mean fiction? This isn't real?

A: Did you sign that waver exempting the LES MISERABLES UNITS co. from responsibility of any possible existential crises? If not, of course it's all real. Everthing's fine. Here's a pen.

EG: Did I say this was abandoned? no, I meant that I would update sporadically when the fancy strikes me and then never be heard from until years later when the fancy strikes again. Whatever.

But god kill me before I write another actual story.


End file.
